Ya know...I am sitting here watching TV with Honeybear, and something has been on my mind lately..not really sure why...but life can really kick you in the butt sometimes. I was thinking about that today driving home. I gues I haven't really thought about it alot but today..I dunno...maybe it's b/c we have a new little baby at the preschool...or maybe it is just that time for it to crop up with me again...let me explain....
First of all, most of you who know me knows my infertility struggles over the years. I have PCOS...yada yada, can't have kids...been trying for 8 years. I am not making light of that by any means, but it takes alot out of me to go in great detail about it. I wrote a blog about it on MySpace awhile back..maybe I could post it on here. I don't really talk about it much, b/c I try not to think about it. Plus, I don't want people's pity. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. Anyway, I've had tests done and spent lots of money, or as much money as we have had to spend for that. Here's my point: why is it that people, like us, would do just about anything to have a baby, natural or adopted, but it never seems to work out? I work at a preschool, so maybe I hear more sad stories than some, but it just sucks sometimes. Like now...at the school, we have a little baby who is staying with his family. His mom is in jail, she's had two other kids that she has let other people have, and the baby she will dump off on people for awhile and then go and take him back...What's up with that? And of course, I know, there are people who would tell me "Well, if you want a baby bad enough, then do whatever it takes" We have!! I mean, we haven't sunk every bit of our money into it, we have to have money to live, but believe we when I tell you, that we have put alot of time, energy, and resources into it. But my point is: why does it seem so easy for the people who don't really want to get pregnant to get that way, and others who struggle with infertility have to suffer?
So, there's point number one of why life sucks. Of course, I could name off lots of other things...let's see...why do some people get to throw away money like it's toilet paper? There are so many professional athletes that make more money in one year than most people ever will in an entire lifetime. I know they have trained and practiced and are very dedicated to their career, but come on...$25 million a year...is that really necessary when there are children and other people struggling...people who's electricity and water gets shut off b/c they don't have enough money...people starving and getting kicked out of homes...I realize that happens to some people thru faults of their own, but it's ridiculous when there are hurting people out there.
Hhmm...what else?? Oh yea...how about the people who have to suffer from cancer and other terminal and/or painful diseases? They beg for relief and nothing happens...especially little children and babies...they don't even understand what is happening to their bodies, and they have to suffer...why does that happen? Of people who are raped and/or abused...why does that happen?? They are begging for help and help never comes. Those people are then scarred for life..some of them never get over it...why does that happen to them? And don't say it makes them stronger...a baby getting hurt doesn't make that baby a stronger person...that's some crap....
Sometimes life just sucks in general. I know it can't be roses and candy all the time; however, some people never seem to get a break. Something bad happens to them, they recover from that (barely), and then wham!! Something happens again.
Why am I even writing this? I dunno....maybe I just feel like having a pity party today...I have them ever so often. Or maybe I'm just tired of seeing people having to deal with crap in their lives. Life has sucked them down so much that they walk around depressed, in a haze, or they never the rainbow in the sky, so to speak. One day...just one day...I'd like to see where everyone has everything going their way...no problems, no worries, no concerns...I know that will never happen, but it's a nice thought, huh?
This is a totally rambling blog, I know, but maybe someone can make some sense out of it. So, let me send you off with this: HAVE A GREAT DAY!!
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ok wow how do you post a comment to that? Well I can start off by saying that yes sometimes life does suck but I firmly believe that it sucks for a reason and sometimes we dont see that reason until later much much later and realize that the things that happened happened for the best or at least for a reason. Yes even suffering. Even rape. Even making 25 million a year. Hey my life sucks sometimes too (more now then ever before) and I have been raped, I have been beaten, but I still get up every morning and thank God that I have a roof over my head and food to eat and a super great (most of the time) daughter. We can spend our whole lives looking at the bad and wishing for things we want or things we have never had but really what is the point? What is accomplished by that? I try and spend my life looking at the positives and enjoying what I can while I can. I know it sucks not being able to have a kid but I am sure that God knows what he is doing. If we stop believing that then all is lost. This world is full of misery, deceit, and hate but we must believe that at the end of the day God knows what he is doing and we must have Faith and thank Him for what He has given us. Anyhow can comment anymore on this because I should have left for work like 5 minutes ago. PEACE!!!!
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